Unconcerned

unconcerned @ 2007-01-07T23:55:00

2007-01-07T23:55:03Z

A nice or more likely stupid young lady gave me some free fries with my Big Mac this evening.

I gratefully put them in the bin outside the Town Hall in Nottingham because they tasted like mushy fingers.

Woah

2006-12-25T00:27:17Z

It sure has been a long time since I updated my LJ (now syndicated to Facebook, thanks Iain!) so I guess I'll sort of do a massive update from when I last entered into my LiveJournal.

Still working at TDSL. I just can't get out of the bloody door factory. The doors consume me, contort me and bend me to their will. The doors WANT to be made. Precious doors.

As long as they keep bumping my pay I'll keep going in and drinking all their posh filter coffee and sitting in the despatch office stealing things that expand 100x their volume when exposed to heat.

Learning to play guitar. It's good fun and I am quite terrible. Mad props to Eddie who helped me on my way with by giving me his Encore electric! It is glorious! And actually left handed!

Learning to play ukelele. It's a lot easier than guitar, being as it is smaller and has less strings. Here is an animated picture of me playing the only ukelele song I know:

Jingle Bells.

The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin is more inspiring than Fight Club for the working class of today.

The Nintendo Wii is bloody good fun, I'm so glad I got one, although I've barely had a chance to touch it over Christmas. Old people love the Wii.

It's also quite tiring:

I should really try to keep my LJ more up to date, especially now it's syndicated to Facebook. I will do my best! I really will!

unconcerned @ 2006-09-07T00:02:00

2006-09-06T23:02:50Z

It is all Wilson's fault.

House M.D. #301 - Meaning

2006-09-05T20:20:10Z

HOUSE: Have you been swimming off shore recently?
IRWIN: No.

HOUSE: Everybody lies. Also, I am wearing a white coat, damn you Cuddy. Damn you.

Farewell, my love

2006-08-05T13:22:04Z

See you in a week!

Don't you know...

2006-04-12T20:43:31Z

I'm a Guitar Hero!

No wonder I can't boot from my RAID 1

2006-02-08T22:47:09Z

Why yes, actually, yes I do!

No, it cannot be! My data, it cannot lose! It is unstoppable!

Well, thank gdness for that.

Story of my fucking life, Nick.

2006-01-11T20:14:23Z

unconcerned @ 2006-01-06T23:54:00

2006-01-06T23:54:08Z

It's baaaaack! Oh Tenma! Tenmaaaaaaaaaa!

I've noticed that my head is growing ever more angular so it's easier to cut out in Paintshop Pro.

unconcerned @ 2005-10-29T22:36:00

2005-10-29T21:35:55Z

In an effort to save my failing marriage (having a kid didn't work), I whisked Becky and I off to the tropical delights of Windermere, a little town in the Lake District, England. I don't know if you've ever been the Lake District, but it rains all the time. Because of the shit weather, nobody ever goes there and thus, it is a relatively unspoilt area. Just look how unspoilt it is. I bet half of you city dwellers have never even seen grass.

We stayed in a little hotel place not far from the town centre and located conveniently close to the train station. Not conveniently close enough to make carrying a girls suitcase anything less than horrifying though. If you look at the hotel website, be sure to check out the bizarre siamese lambs in the top left.

The hotel looks a lot like every other hotel in Windermere, which can cause problems at 11pm when you're pissed and walking back from Bowness trying to find where you're staying.

This is the Racism Lounge, where most of the guests spent the evening discussing the various pakis and darkies on the television.

Must be some kind of Cumbrian custom.

The hotel boasted a library which, it turns out, is this bookcase. I pulled a few of books out, but couldn't find the one that made it swing open and reveal access to a cave smugglers were using. Enid Blyton would be turning in her grave if it hadn't been robbed. By smugglers.

The blur on the above photo is the ghost of Windermere, which I believe was looking for a book by Jeffrey Archer.

This picture was taken about five minutes after we'd been in the room.

The bathroom, furnished in green (to hide the ectoplasm) had two very curious items. They had a several shoe shining cloths, which is odd for two reasons. Firstly, nobody going to the Lake District wears shoes, because that would be just stupid. Secondly, who on Earth shines their shoes in the toilet? At this point, I knew I wasn't in Mansfield any more.

There were also some phs Disposal Bags, but I don't even know what a phs is, let alone why someone would want to dispose of one.

We missed the breakfast on the first morning because we're lazy good-for-nothing sex-obsessed foul mouthed new-age teenagers. And we stayed in bed until about 11am. We made sure to get up the next day, though, and what a sight it was to behold.

The last time I saw a breakfast like this was on the Antiques Roadshow.

My breakfast consisted of grease, with extra bacon, egg, sausage and mushroom. Becky had scrambled egg and whatever she could steal from my plate.

On the first proper day there, we went on quite a pleasant walk up some kind of hill (which is where all those pictures at the start came from, mostly).

From the looks of this picture, the squeaking of this gate sounded like the screams of a thousand children dying.

This waterfall was quite nice. I cropped the corpse out of it.

We stumbled upon some very scenic things on our walks.

There was quite a lot of open pasture land we could walk on. It's not a holiday if you're not turd dodging! We passed a lot of cows and things, some of which were trying to have sex with each other. There were also a lot of sheep with blue marks on them.

We kept our distance, we didn't want the Blue Death.

All that walking was making me really hungry, though. Really hungry.

At night we toasted and ate marshmallows, which were delicious and likely to set off what may or may not have been a smoke alarm. Becky used chopsticks, I used an umbrella.

Other things we did on holiday:

Watched Wallace And Gromit in a very old cinema. They had curtains and an intermission after the adverts (why?) and quite a few complaining kids. The photo is so shockingly shit because if we used the flash people would look at us.

Went to an aquarium. It was shit. Don't ever go to aquariums.

Saw someone like Alex in a café. That was pretty terrifying.

Got wet. It rained a lot. We bought an umbrella, which I'm surprised wasn't forced upon us by Cumbria Customs. I swear to God, everyone in the Lakes has an umbrella.

Promoted my website. I found this rather nice bible in one of the cabinets, along with all manner of tourist related crap. I would be betraying myself and Danny if I didn't leave a note inside it.

I still didn't accept my true feelings. I stayed in the closet.

Had sex out of a window. Some guy was making a sandwich across the street. That was pretty funny.

Did lots of romantic couple things. Like this.

Went on a little motor boat trip. It was a pretty dull but not entirely raining day. The ~~sea~~ lake was a bit choppy though.

I loved sailing the boat.

Becky's sailing, I didn't love so much.

Becky's natural beauty or the fact that I looked like a girl attracted the attention of some boys in another boat. They gave chase.

For the first time on holiday, it was time to get serious. I didn't fancy being caught up on the high seas. Who knows what those men, driven half-mad by months on the empty ocean would do if they could board the vessel of two supposed ladies. Time to escape.

Despite all my heroic efforts and years of experience of maritime manoeuvres, they were gaining. My £16/hour rented motorboat wasn't cutting it. If you look, you can see the pirate captain half-standing on his ship, ready to pounce and ravage us. I urged the boat on.

It was not to be, however. During one evasive manoeuvre, I was outclassed, outsailed and outboated. We crashed into each other, portside to starboard and after a brief burst of violence, we managed to cut away, kick them off and escape. Whether or not any ravaging occurred, I'll leave up to your imagination.

Look, ducks on the lake.

Feedback: A+ great holiday would go again.

Taking up the brush once more

2005-09-16T23:23:27Z

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.

I've done things I'm not proud of. Things I'm ashamed of. I've done things I look down on others for doing. I've crushed the hearts of people I cherish. I've had my heart crushed by people I should never have cherished. Blood and tears have stained the floor and the walls, hurt and anger has been shown where it shouldn't have been. A lot of things have happened that never, ever should have.

It's time to step forward.

It's time to make amends.

It's time to fix this mess I have made.

It's time to finish what I've started, and do it properly this time.

The first step.

unconcerned @ 2005-09-04T17:23:00

2005-09-04T16:23:06Z

You know, you can always tell when you're coming down with a cold or the flu or something, because you get the symptoms a few days before. Stuff like a running nose or a fourth leg. Well, some illness was going around the office and I suddenly had a sore throat.

I was going to get the cold.

Sun Tzu once said "Know thy enemy, and thou can kill his wife." So I researched the cold and discovered there is no cure. Was I doomed to die? Well, no, it seemed, because the body is well disposed to get rid of the cold after a few days. I'll be damned if a cold is going to get me. It was time for war.

I devised a plan of attack. Following Sun Tzu's advice once more, I decided on the strongest position in the battlefield. This meant skeletal enhancement, a bit like Cyborg Ninja, but on the inside.

I locked and loaded a glass of milk.

I think I spotted a spider on the wall at this point, which I hoped was an omen of my victory. I'd read about that in Macbeth.

Finished! I began to feel pretty ill after downing that pint of milk, which meant the cold was counter-attacking. I had to move fast.

While I was learning about the enemy I was now locked in combat with, I learned that vitamin C was good for your immune system. The vitamin tablets I found also had vitamin A, which is good for healthy skin. I figured that if I lost, I could leave a beautiful corpse.

Recommended daily dosage: 1 tablet. The counter-attack after the milk was really crippling me. It was time to get serious.

Operation 800% Overdose complete! At this point, the cold launched a chemical weapon attack, but you probably don't want to know about that.

It was time to finish this fucker off. A running nose is a common symptom of the common cold, so I took the natural approach to beating that. Like throwing rocks at a tank.

The last thing I needed was a war face. You got a war face? AAAAAAAARGH! That's a war face! Let me see your war face!

Consider that common cold well and truly beaten. It's all about attitude. And war faces.

unconcerned @ 2005-07-19T20:03:00

2005-07-19T19:02:59Z

Look, the factory workers toilet, or Proletoi. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Just look at it. The only reason I go in there is because my precious Distoi is occupied (probably by someone disabled judging by the amount of time they spend in there).

Just look at it. There's some toilet paper on the floor and there's a sign above the urinal (which is a horrible word) that warns people about the dangers of throwing chewing gum in the urinals. The danger is being fired, which doesn't sound very dangerous to me.

The fact such a sign is needed at all brings images like this into my mind:

That's me drowning in Juicy Fruit, which is equally popular in both America and the United Kingdoms.

As I was sitting down to a good ten minutes of closing my eyes in one of the cubicles, I saw something totally unexpected. There's a universal law which reads: "Wherever there are beings earning an hourly wage, there will be graffiti on the toilet walls."

This is what I saw:

I decided to join in with something I feel pretty strongly about:

Has anyone noticed how most of my posts are about toilets? Doesn't take a genius to psychoanalyse that.

unconcerned @ 2005-05-23T21:36:00

2005-05-23T20:35:46Z

At work today, somehow, a few boxes of various sweets turned up on behalf of a charity. You paid a quid and you got a bag. It was for Great Ormond Street Hospital, so the idea appealed to me.

I bought two bags.

I particularly like the :') emoticon on the front. I plucked for some liquorice torpedoes and some chocolate truffles, both of which were (and still are) very nice!

The flavour of the chocolate was particularly note-worthy. It tasted of virtue.

While eating, I thought about the things I like to think about:

How much of a childs life is now mine?

I reasoned that my £2 could pay for small section of artery for a poor, dying kid.

I made this diagram to show much of this child I now own.

unconcerned @ 2005-05-17T23:31:00

2005-05-17T22:31:22Z

A while ago, I bought two iBook 500s. By accident.

So the one I didn't want, I sent back and emailed pcagain.biz customer support many times, including such choice phrases as "To my indescribable horror, I had an iBook on my bed" and, after receiving some help, "You have calmed the raging beast inside me."

I was so happy with their customer support that I decided to make my next Mac purchase from them, which manifested itself as a 512MB SO-DIMM.

Upon reciept of my parcel of RAM this eve post-door-work, I read this note:

She remembered my name and who I was and the (self-inflicted) trouble I'd had! Now that is a Great Business.

Delighted, I installed the new RAM. After a few minor problems...

... I was on my way to a more RAM efficient Macintosh OS 10.3 experience!

I almost cried when I got that note.

What a nice day!

Yet more fun @ work

2005-04-18T17:30:38Z

It's time to begin something I've always enjoyed doing.

Behold, the sink in the disabled toilet. Looks faily unassuming, no?

But think about the plumber who has to observe underneath! Or even the common man, tripping on a passing cat and landing on his knees. They shall see under the sink, like thus...

What on earth is that scribble on the wall! What could is possibly be? Upon closer observation...

Oh dear! It's going all Tomodachi World for Timbmet Door Solutions Limited! Does this mean the last person to use the disabled toilet got to the bonus stage and saw Friend's face? Who can possibly say!

I think I shall write "HELP ME" in more hard to see but not uncommonly seen places. Other phrases I have planned include "THEY'RE COMING" and "IT'S JIM, HE'S THE ONE". The real joy about that last one is there are at least three men by the name of Jim in the office and I think a few more in the factory. Oh, how I shall laugh!

Victory!

2005-04-15T20:49:31Z

The challenge was raised by the eater of a Pot Noodle who, relaxing in my toilet yesterday managed to achieve such levels of bliss that he ate a Pot Noodle.

In my relaxation toilet! My home turf! I took up the challenge gladly.

Behold, eater of Pot Noodles, your ruin:

Pure Yorkshire Gold!

I threw myself into the task of beating this Pot Noodle eater.

Moments later, after much horror (the beer was warm) I was victorious.

Behold, Pot Noodle eater, your defeat:

After such a fine victory against possibly my strongest rival yet, I decided to leave a message to anyone else wishing to challenge me.

Any day, any time.

I'll be waiting.

Waiting for the Board of Directors to launch a full scale investigation into who has been drinking at work.

Ragepost?

2005-04-14T19:11:12Z

At work, I was busy working hard and applying cheap filters to things...

... when something caught my eye...

There, in that bin!

What is curiously non-paper towel like thing?

A Pot Noodle?!

Someone has been relaxing in my toilet and has been eating, as well! In my toilet!

Seeing as they've already progressed to eating, they seem like a worthy opponent!

I vow, tomorrow I shall drink an entire can of beer in that toilet.

Let's see who's the best then, mysterious Pot Noodle eater!

unconcerned @ 2005-04-07T18:15:00

2005-04-07T17:15:23Z

Right to left, this is moon drawings you know!

This one's for you, Jack!

2005-04-06T21:03:08Z

In this post, we will explore the life of one man who works at a door factory and what he does at least four times a day.

Behold, in all its porcelain glory, the wonders of the disabled toilet.

From now on, I shall refer to it as the Relaxation Toilet. On the RT, you can see a cushion which is designed to help you relax when having a shit, cutting your toenails or just skiving off work. Again.

As if that wasn't enough...

The Relaxation Toilet comes complete with a Relaxation Rail, which can be lifted up and down depending on how much relaxation you want to do. With the RR, all your leaning needs are catered for!

But wait! There's more!

This fine sink may appear to be just a place to wash the blood off your hands, but its clever position means you can achieve yet another level of relaxation...

Bliss!

In full Relaxation Mode, using the cushion, rail and sink, you could almost fall asleep, if it wasn't for the extractor fan and constant factory noise and the faint twinge of guilt that there could be someone in a wheelchair outside pissing themselves.

Sometimes, I get so relaxed at work and I think about IRC. Then I think about Jack (let_go_smile) and I just have to have a violent wank.

unconcerned @ 2005-03-30T19:45:00

2005-03-30T18:45:42Z

Widescreen, dual monitor Counterstrike: Source!

It runs just as good as normal resolution CSS, but with the added bonus of your crosshair falling between two monitors, making it almost impossible to aim! With no option to move the crosshair, I suspect CSS widescreen support was not for playing, and more for spectating, which is quite sad, really. Dual screen CSS would be amazing, although some might complain it would give people an unfair advantage.

I prefer to think of it as genetic diversity, in the sense that I have mutated to have twice the eyes! Or at least bigger eyes. Twice as bigger than usual. I should be celebrated and have my needs catered to!

I want proper multi monitor support for CSS!

I wonder how much widescreen CRTs are.

Computing on the edge!

2005-03-22T20:37:27Z

Since I got a new motherboard/CPU, I have not updated my LJ! Typical!

Look! A tablecloth covered in thermal paste!

Behold above, the stock AMD heatsink/fan which came with my Athlon XP3200+ and on the right, my hardcore ~£5 heatsink/fan I bought long ago! Bit of a size difference. Oh, and you see that fan on the stock AMD kit? It'll be appearing again soon!

So...

This is how my PC looks now. That massive fucking fan in the front, that cools 3 HDDs (currently 1) and blows a lot of air out for the (lack of) noise it makes! I love it so, and insert my fingers into it almost daily.

Those power and HDD LEDs may look lit, but I assure you, they are not plugged in. All the jumpers are too close together, so I settled for just having the power button working on my PC.

All my new kit functions wonderfully and more importantly, with very little heat! Except the graphics card, that is, which curiously came with no fan, only a heatsink.

I suspcted it was overheating, because the heatsink would burn your fingers, which means it's somewhere around 60 degrees C! Oh dear!

So...

I unscrewed the fan AMD supplied with the heatsink and sellotaped it to my graphics card!

Being as this is just a test, there's nothing to reduce vibrations (it's just lounging on the PCI slot at the moment) but it certainly has cooled down the heatsink significantly! Hooray!

Next post, expect a picture of me cutting my finger off with the fan. (Har har, lan3y)

unconcerned @ 2005-03-15T01:01:00

2005-03-15T01:01:49Z

How to make your sisters birthday the smallest bit more special.

Step 1:

Take a small amount of card, preferably brown, the colour of sibling love.

Step 2:

Create a cute little picture.

Step 3:

Cut it into tiny pieces.

Step 4:

Relax, knowing you have created a jigsaw which, when pieced together, will reveal a touching and heartfelt message to your darling sister. Like the careful unfolding of love or the slow, meticulous loading of a shotgun.

She got £10 of phone credit, too, because girls measure love in terms of money.

unconcerned @ 2005-03-13T17:44:00

2005-03-13T17:45:47Z

While strolling down the street to post a letter and postcard, I thought it the perfect time to test the true range of my FM wireless headphones, estimated range 100m in clear conditions.

Diagram 1:

My house and a garish yellow arrow pointing to my bedroom.
Sound: Perfect!

Diagram B:

Further down the road, a garish yellow splodge indicating where the last photo was taken.
Sound: Perfect!

Diagram 0.3:

Just across Sandringham Road, little yellow splodge indicating where Diagram B was taken.
Sound: Getting noisy!

Diagram 0D:004a-25c-hab-p12c54a:

The yellow splodge is where Diagram 0.3 was taken. The tree on the top of the hill is just outside my house.
Sound: Completely unlisten-to-able.

To conclude, with a major wall obstructing the FM transmitter, the range was reduced to 30 - 40 metres. Good enough to jump in front of an articulated lorry listening to Bonnie Pink - Last Kiss.

On this mission, 1 window cleaner gave you a stern look and you saw 1 sports car cornering on the wrong side of the road.

unconcerned @ 2005-03-11T07:00:00

2005-03-11T07:02:14Z

The main entrance, reception area of where I work.

Helpful.